____ By the time you say "I don't want to make things weird", you already have. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ My life has become a constant journey of trying to be left the hell alone. (Mike Seriously)
____ The best things in life can't be seen or touched. At least, that's what the restraining order says. (Shabana Essack)
____ Just got a stain on my shirt but it's ok because life is meaningless. (Adam Apple)
____ The best things in life are free. Stealing is awesome. (Stacy Fournier)
____ If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life. (Matt Procella)
____ I'm happy, you guys. Life is good. [takes meds] (Richard Earle Crown)
____ Live your life how you want, but remember that you're doing everything wrong if someone on the internet says so. (Egg Head)
____ Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I'm driving. (Lisa James)
____ You only live once, so don't forget to spend 16 hours every day on the internet, desperately searching for the validation of strangers. (Liz Barrand)
____ Never use the towels in my bathroom to dry your face...trust me. (Toni Daniels)
____ If you walk a mile in my shoes, you'll end up at the bar. (Mustache Mann)
____ One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… ah, f*ck it. (Danny Coleiro)
____ Life is too short to write a edit a status with grammar error! Comment on it with asterisk. People "like" you (Albie Edd)
____ Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they're not passing you some fake stuff. (Tom Guntorius)
____ If my life had a soundtrack it would be the sound of a rusty gate slowly closing and then falling off its hinges onto a bunch of ugly cats. (Mike Seriously)
____ If you're "just sayin", then just shut the hell up. (Chesty La Rue)
____ Sometimes I like to do amazing nice things for crappy, ungrateful people, because it pisses them off. (Jack Wagon)
____ Life's short. Drink fast. (Lisa James)
____ I've been preparing for the zombie apocalypse my whole life by ordering my steaks rare and being completely dead inside. (Jennifer Warren)
____ Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza. (Matt Procella)
____ Life is all about knowing how long to wait before liking someone's new status so they don't find out that you're stalking them. (Gerti Kola)
____ Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. (Mike Seriously)
____ Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn't going according to plan. (Toni Daniels)
____ Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke. (Karanbir Singh Tinna)
____ Life can be unpredictable. Sometimes I don't even know where my next notification is coming from. (GoldRobo Dancer Guy)
____ If you're unhappy about the way things are going in your life, do something about it. Or, open a Facebook account and tell us all about it. (Stacy Fournier)
____ I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It's fun". (Billy Guy)
____ Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash. (Jack Wagon)
____ The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life. (Sean Shipley)
____ I always wonder what things went horribly wrong in someone's life that led them to buy a hotdog at 7-11. (Javier Spartikus Malave)
____ Life is like a case of beer...don't ask me how, but I really like beer so it must be. (Mustache Mann)
____ I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven't the slightest idea as to where my life is headed" (Gary Hensley)
____ If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees. Or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don't love anything. (Rob Bowen)
